You have been looking forward to retirement for years, planning travel, projects, and rest. The day finally arrives, you say goodbye to your coworkers and skip out the door to the next stage of your life. No looking back.
But the unexpected happens. The bloom is off the rose.
Perhaps you enjoy the first couple of months of retirement, but one day you wake up to the realization that you don’t know what to do with yourself. Financial difficulties can arise, unpleasantly adjusting your retirement plans. Hopefully you and your loved ones will remain healthy, but we’ve all heard stories about a recent retiree who was diagnosed with a serious illness or lost a loved one. Or maybe life as a retiree is just not what you imagined it to be. It can be devastating when you have looked forward to a time in life and find that it is quite different from what you expected.
It’s disappointing.
Whether this disappointment is a temporary perspective adjustment or something with more permanent implications, it’s troubling. We may pretend it doesn’t exist, everything’s fine, or we may wallow in it, but the best thing to do is to confront it.
When we face our disappointments, we will find that they will either redirect us or that we must simply accept a different reality than the one we expected.
Redirection
My husband and I have been disappointed with many churches over the years. Eventually, we have prayerfully taken these disappointments as redirection and are currently searching for a church in which we will be able to contribute and develop community, two possibilities that were lacking in our former church. There are no perfect churches, and the church we left is a fine church, however it became clear that it wasn’t right for us. Sometimes disappointment is a redirection.
Retirement, by definition, is about redirection.
It requires a transformation in our thinking, and the process can be daunting. Who am I, now that I’m not working? How will I sort through the activities competing for my time and attention? What are my priorities? Do I have any restrictions? Are there any dreams I have not pursued, and if so, is it too late to go after them now? What are my expectations in retirement?
These are significant questions, but they shouldn’t scare us. Ponder them. Pray about them. Ask God for guidance. If you allow these questions to overwhelm you, you may inadvertently find yourself a bit down, depressed. Your life may feel like it’s closing in on you, getting smaller. Take action, even a tiny action, toward a redirected life, and see what happens.
Disappointment is sometimes due to unrealistic expectations. Our consumeristic culture and all the advertising that comes with it can raise our expectations to unwarranted heights. Picture the ads you’ve seen of retirees; images of an attractive couple in their 60s or 70s walking hand in hand through beautiful surroundings with soothing music in the background. Not a care in the world.
I hope all of our retirements are as idyllic, but sooner or later, we will face disappointment, and when we do, I suggest we face it, ask God is he’s redirecting us, and take action toward any new opportunities that come into focus.
Acceptance
Sometimes there is nothing we can do about disappointment.
Last Christmas we expected a wonderful time with family. My nephew was in town from Luxembourg, and my brother had arranged an extended family get together so we could all reconnect with him, his wife, and their new daughter. Sadly, they got Covid. Didn’t happen. Our daughter, her family, and our son and daughter-in-law were going to be at our house on Christmas Day. We had gifts to exchange and plenty of food. Nope. Christmas Day, our son-in-law had what appeared to be a cold, took a Covid test to be safe, and it was positive.
It was disappointing, but there was nothing we could do about it. So, we worked out a plan B. We took breakfast over to my mom and dad’s and spent the morning with them, opened gifts via zoom in the afternoon, and then our daughter-in-law’s parents came over to share our fondu dinner. It wasn’t what we had expected, but it was the best we could do.
In retirement, you will experience disappointment like everyone at every age does. Ask yourself if this disappointment is temporary, like our Christmas Covid frustration was, or is likely to be more permanent. My parents are in their 90s and are getting more frail, which is not unexpected but is disappointing to say the least. This will be a permanent situation, and it will affect my life and my schedule considerably. I need to face that fact, and deal with it as best I can.
Redirection or Acceptance
Retirement is a time of tremendous change. Your identity may be shaken, your schedule will be up for grabs, your options may be overwhelming, and with such change can come high expectations and sudden disappointments. But retirement also brings experience, wisdom, and confidence. Use those assets and ask good questions when you’re disappointed. You may discover that God is calling you to work of a different kind, or you may realize that there is nothing you can do to change the disappointing situation. Either way, trust God to meet your needs.
The Bible gives us a good example of redirection. Paul was used to disappointment, as he was imprisoned, stoned, kicked out of towns, and his missionary journey plans were often disrupted, as we’re told in Acts 16:6-10,
”Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.“
Paul was redirected. The Spirit of Jesus was guiding him, just like He guides us. Remember that retirement is an opportunity for God to redirect your activity. Trust that some of your disappointment will lead to fulfilling work. Be open to God’s leading, for he is nearby when you are disappointed.
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
YES to redirection, Judy . . . even—and especially—the sort that comes from disappointment. Thanks for this valuable perspective.
Retirement is akin to creating your career path. You set goals that you want to achieve over those 50 years. At the same you need a contingency plan to help navigating the shoals and choppy waters you will encounter. Prior to retirement you need to create a similar plan for what you to do: travel, sports, recreation, concert and shows, cultural pursuits, reading, and other activities. Of course, in retirement you don't want tight deadlines. You want a more leisurely pace. You also need a contingency plan because life will be like a roller coaster ride with sharp turns, unexpected twists, ups and downs, and periods of feeling upside down.