Who are you?
It’s a complicated question. On a grand scale, we can accept a definition in terms of any combination of income, ethnicity, gender, race, religion, sexual identity, and political preference. Closer to home, which I much prefer, we may be defined by our careers, relationships, income or status, creative and volunteer activities.
Teresa Amabile, in an interview with Harvard Business Review, gives us the term identity bridging for those of us approaching or entering retirement. Amabile has done research on those approaching retirement and she says that for many,
…identification with either the work that they do or their profession or their organization or their colleagues, that identification is very strong. And what do you do with that? What do you do with that big chunk of yourself after you retire? So we’ve discovered that many people engage in what we call identity bridging.
I like the term identity bridging because it acknowledges the necessary shift and implies that we can bridge to other parts of our identity. The definition of a bridge is “a connecting, transitional, or intermediate route or phase between two adjacent elements, activities, conditions.” Amabile puts it this way,
…by identity bridging, I simply mean to maintain or somehow enhance some important aspect of yourself that existed pre-retirement.
This can take quite a while. For those who have thought about this, they may have a specific area that they will pursue, but for others, Amabile says that it can feel like “leaping off a cliff” or “jumping into the void.” That sounds a bit dramatic, but for some, it is accurate.
When Dan and I got married, we took a fabulous honeymoon to Hawaii. One evening, we were sitting at the beach, looking out over a magnificent scene, and I started crying. Dan was bewildered; he didn’t get it. It took me a while, but eventually realized that the reason I was upset, which seems silly now, was because my identity had been shaken.
I had been a single career woman who often traveled and had handled everything myself, and suddenly I realized that I was now Mrs. Allen. Dan had made all the travel arrangements, which I fully supported, but when he was checking in to flights, hotels, and restaurants with me as Mrs. Allen, it hit me hard.
Was I less than I had been? Of course not. Actually, I was more than I had been, but it took me an evening to process that. It was the first of several identity crises. When I had children and eventually quit my job, I had another crisis. I distinctly remember having a who am I? thought. I got used to being mom and volunteer, began teaching in a Bible study, and when I left that role, I had another identity crisis. I’m getting used to them.
My identity crises were minor compared with one who has been successfully working in one career for decades. For most people, that could create a major identity crisis. So, how can we minimize the trauma?
Practically, there are some questions we can ask ourselves as we come to terms with our new identities.
Are there skills or talents that have remained underdeveloped during my working years? If so, how can I use or improve them in retirement?
What is the pursuit that I’ve always wished I had more time for? Or perhaps I’ve had time but resisted going after it.
Is there a completely new skill that you would like to work on? Go for it!
Spiritually, it’s a little more straightforward. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that my first and most important identity is as a uniquely created and gifted child of God. Every Christian can claim that exact identity. It doesn’t matter what your career is or was, or which identity bucket you place yourself in, you are a uniquely created and gifted child of God.
It can be difficult to work out what we are uniquely created and gifted to do, and in my experience, it changes, or grows, throughout the years. Don’t forget that most of us have years, decades, of life after we retire to develop or improve our skills, Maturity has given us wisdom, a wide variety of experiences, and we have grown in knowledge, so we can put those blessings to good use.
Ask God what he has created you for in this stage of life, and don’t be afraid to accept a new, and improved, identity.
Have you had identity crises throughout life? How do you think you’ll feel about your identity when you retire? If you have retired, how did you bridge your identity?
Love this, Judy. Such wisdom comes during these years. -C.D.