You are preparing to retire, you’ve met with your financial analyst, given notice at work, and are beginning to think about the next stage of your life.
How much have you discussed plans for your restructured life with your spouse and other family members? It’s something we may not think of as we consider retirement.
My husband retired the first time before age 50. Of course, we had discussed the financial implications, and I knew what he intended to do with his time, but I don’t remember having conversations with our kids or each other about what it would mean for our daily lives.
So, I texted my children to hear what they thought about it at the time. Following is a sample of their responses.
I thought it was cool!
I mostly just remember it was nice that he was around.
He was very available.
His first project was building the treehouse, so that was a selling point!
I remember him building the treehouse. I remember being super proud of that and talking about it at school.
I thought it was cool too, but I hadn’t thought through the impact on my schedule. My weeks were full, and suddenly Dan was rearranging my agenda. We realized that it would have been advantageous to have talked about this beforehand.
A Pew Research study showed that 70% of retirees desire to spend more time with their families. It makes sense, but imagining delightful moments with family members is not always the same as reality. Reality tends to be messier.
Couples have scheduled their own times to be in their own spaces, some retreating to man-caves and/or she sheds, and many have had a pandemic provided preview of retirement as both of them were working from home. I wonder how many of them thought about the challenges before they were in the middle of them. We didn’t.
Dan recently retired again, and this time we knew what to expect. It’s been great, and I think our adult children would say the same. Once again, he’s available.
However, availability can be tricky. Everyone may want a slice of your time, or you may desire more time with family members than they have to give. It’s helpful to set expectations ahead of time, and it will give you some insight into your priorities in retirement. If a family member has a need that you can meet, that may be high on your list.
For example, our daughter is homeschooling her four children, and she has maxed out on her high school math knowledge. Dan is a math guy and is happy to help teach math to our grandson. That is a priority for him.
We have friends who were very helpful when their son bought a house that needed some work. They had the time, and their son had the need. Childcare is often a way to help family members, and energetic and gracious grandparents can make that a priority. Many retirees relocate to be closer to their children, which allows them to be more available for any need. We have committed to hosting semi-monthly family dinners for all four generations of nearby family members. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As we live longer and healthier lives, we may have commitments to several generations of family members. My parents are in their 90s and are doing well but they need more help than they used to. I live the closest to them, so it’s often my responsibility to go with them to doctors’ appointments and handle emergencies. I’m happy to be in a position to help.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. Psalm 145:3-4
We are attempting to transmit the works of our great God to the next generation, as was done for us. Retirement can be a time of personal remembering and communicating with, enjoying and helping family members. There will be rough spots, frustrations, and unmet expectations, but it will be worth it.
Have a conversation with family members ahead of your retirement so you know what their expectations are, and you can make yours clear. It’s the start at a beautiful retirement!
I really appreciated your point about how the retired may make demands on their family’s time and availability that they just don’t have or can afford to give. I have a friend who expects this especially since they are separated from one set of their children and grandchildren by a great distance. I was a little shocked that my friend put that kind of pressure on her adult child and their family. While my retired friend makes the effort to visit them for long periods of time to help out and bond she expects reciprocal time that as a young family they do have other priorities.
I always appreciate your posts, Judy. Our oldest son's family of five moved from New England to NC near us a year ago,. and we were so glad to have more time with them and to be able to help with childcare. But now they are moving back, and we are dealing with the loss. I ask the Lord every day how I should be using my time in my 70's. As much as I'd like to write another book, I don't want to spend countless hours on the marketing that traditional publishing requires. So I am actively
"reimagining!"