Choosing a paint color is headache inducing. There are far too many options, and none of them look right when you put them on the wall.
When I go to a mall, which is a rare occurrence, I get dizzy, my eyes dart from rack to rack, and I feel like turning around and going home. Too many choices. Similarly, when my husband and I discuss where to go out to dinner, I immediately think of all the options and can’t decide. Your call, I say. Option paralysis in online dating is apparently an issue as well. We have too many options.
It’s called option or decision paralysis, and it’s real.
Psychologist Barry Schwartz wrote a book in 2004 called The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less which warned of multiple options making decisions difficult, if not impossible, and causing dissatisfaction with our decisions when we make them. Sometimes it’s easier to skip the decision.
Retirees can easily find themselves in a decision paralysis predicament.
There are so many things that we want to do, so many things that we could do, so many things that others think we should do, that we may be paralyzed into inaction. It’s easy to let weeks go by without adjusting what we do. If we’re financially stable, there’s no compelling reason to earn income, if we’re not burdened about any community or social ills, there’s no cause to volunteer with a non-profit, school or church.
Reimagining Retirement articles over the last several months have presented numerous options for good uses of time; family, education, exercise, work, service, with a strong emphasis on resting, resetting, and a developing a stronger relationship with God. As I’ve written these articles, I’ve felt some option paralysis.
This is clearly a first world problem. Too many people in the world have never thought of such a thing as option paralysis, for they’ve never had many, if any, options. Beginning a search for answers with a posture of gratitude will reframe our states of mind, remind us of who’s in charge, and whose purpose we’re attempting to fulfill. Thank God for available options that you have the time, health and energy to consider.
That’s better.
After expressing gratitude, ask God for direction. I’ve done that multiple times, and sometimes I feel that he’s given me an answer and other times his will is more difficult to discern. Does that mean he doesn’t have a preference? Can I just decide? Maybe. Should I continue to seek him? Perhaps.
This is where it gets tricky. God rarely provides a detailed plan, for I believe he wants us to get to know him better, develop stronger faith, and dig a little deeper to find his will for us. God has a purpose for each one of us, and we will be more content and useful if we do what he has created us to do.
Get to know God better.
The better we know God, the better we will know ourselves. He created us. He has plans for us. To understand those plans, it’s helps to begin to comprehend the creator.
The better I’ve gotten to know God, the better I know myself. That might sound crazy, but in my experience, it’s true. I wrote the following in 2011 here, and it’s still true.
Looking back, I realize that I had no plans because I had no passion. I had no passion because I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know myself because I didn’t know my Lord. Well, I knew him, but I rarely consulted him about things like life plans. Yet, God graciously guided me in my aimlessness, and he has corrected my nearsighted self-focus by directing my gaze to him. He has all the answers.
With improved knowledge of God and ourselves, we have a better chance of discerning what our next steps could be. The most effective way to know God is to read about him. He is the main character in every book of the Bible, and it may take a while, but if you read it you will come to know the attributes of our mighty, merciful, loving and gracious God.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
Pay attention to your circumstances; finances, health, desires, family needs to name a few.
What are the desires of your heart? Is there an idea you can’t shake? Don’t assume that these are just random thoughts, for they might be from God.
In retirement you may have more factors to consider than you had before. Your family may have expanded and, therefore, you have more people to love and care for. Your health may take a hit, or your finances may not last like you expected them to, which will affect your choices.
Circumstance often require action, as in the story of Jacob and Esau in Genesis.
“Your brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing you. Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Harran.” Genesis 27:42-43
God may direct you to do something specific or surprising, but if he doesn’t, look at circumstances as God’s providence and take appropriate action. If your family needs you, that should be a priority. If you would be more secure with some income, look for a part-time job. If you’re consistently bothered by an issue, look into it and decide if there’s a way you can help.
Seek confirmation from trusted friends and/or family members.
An objective perspective can be extremely helpful. They may bring up aspects of the situation that you hadn’t thought of or confirm that from their vantage point, you’re on the right track.
It’s best if this individual knows you well, is truly seeking the best for you, and has strong faith. God can speak to us through others but check their advice with Scripture and against your own leading from God. Confirmation, however, is appropriate.
Ultimately, it’s your decision, but it’s always a good idea to get others involved.
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5
We’re used to making choices all day long, and it’s fine to just decide where to have dinner or what to get at the store, but when you’re making important choices, seek God’s will with a heart of gratitude. Then ask him, consider your circumstances, and seek confirmation if possible.
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
Judy, I so appreciated your essay on option, or decision, paralysis because I agonize over choices to far too great a degree. One of the reasons I like shopping at Aldi is because options are limited, as they are in grocery stores in many parts of the world. It's freeing somehow. And choosing a paint color is impossible!
Option paralysis is SO real and I had no idea what it was until I landed in the middle of it. Years ago we bought a new build home and that requires a trip to the "design" center to choose all your "options." I hadn't been there 15 minutes before I was so confused at the myriad of options, I got up and walked out. Needless to say, we pulled out of that house and purchased an already built house. Being able to manage any changes we wanted to make one room at a time with less options on the table and on our schedule was so much easier. I have learned what is "too much" for me and I walk away when I hit that limit.