Brace yourself; I’m going to ask you to pretend that you are 100+ years old (not that I think any of us are even close to 100 years old). As you look into the (distant) future, imagine that you’re looking back over your life. What will you see? Hopefully, you will see a life well lived, family and friends with whom you share mutual affection, all kinds of work well done, and that you grew spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually throughout your long life.
The growth in your life is evidence of the work that you’ve done, and that work won’t all have come from your job. Careers are a big part of your growth, of course, but there are other aspects of your life that are just as important. Volunteer work, relationships, hobbies, experiences, education, and spiritual input are some of the ways that we grow throughout our lives. Connections develop between what we’ve learned in all these facets of life, and we put them together in a way that is uniquely our own. No one has developed exactly the same skill you have, nor has anyone obtained the knowledge, experiences and wisdom that you have. You’re unique. I’m unique.
And we’ve all made mistakes. Some of the knowledge and wisdom we’ve accumulated comes as a result of difficult times, poor decisions, regrets.
Articles like this one, Nurse reveals the top five regrets people make on their deathbed, tell us that regrets at the end of life are not the same as goals we had at the beginning of our adult lives. (I know - first I have you imagine that you’re 100+ and now I’m linking to an article about death bed regrets. Stick with me. I promise, the point is positive!)
These regrets demonstrate spiritual and emotional growth. To regret something is to have understood that it wasn’t the best decision, action, or communication, and therefore change occurs and growth is a result. It’s rough, but that is an important way that we grow.
When I was in my 20s and 30s, I didn’t have the foggiest idea what I would regret later. I just followed the progression that I had observed in my family and in the culture; went to college, got a job, married and started a family. Check. But as I’ve grown, I realize that my imagination was immature and stubbornly resistant to other options. Thankfully, it worked out well, for I love my life and aside from some regrets I wouldn’t change a thing.
A blessing of retirement is the ability to look back over your life and still have time to make necessary changes based on what you have learned and how you’ve grown. Maybe we can minimize some of the common regrets.
This newsletter is entitled Reimagining Retirement for a reason. Our imaginations have matured, so we can and should imagine productive years ahead.
The cultural and advertising pitch is that upon retirement our work is done, it’s time to relax, travel and play golf. Mitch Anthony, in his book The New Retirementality, shares an anecdote told by William Graebner:
The story is told that in 1952, H.G. Kenagy of Mutual Life Insurance advised business leaders on the National Industrial Conference Board about the best way to sell retirement to their employees. The approach he suggested was distributing stories by these business leaders via company newsletters and the like about happily retired people fishing or playing golf and sipping martinis. Sell the blissful retirement life and don’t forget to mention how to get to nirvana by investing in both the company plan and other financial vehicles…Almost 70 years later, this retirement pitch from 1952 has hardly changed.1
My imagination has expanded since my earlier years, and I am no longer following the cultural or advertised script for my life. I intend to work, play, read, serve, learn, love and grow throughout my life. I don’t want to look back on this stage of my life with regret. I imagine you don’t either.
If we honestly examine our past, acknowledge our regrets, learn from them, and plan differently for the future, we will grow. And when we are growing, we will have fewer regrets.
God desires growth throughout our lives, and he doesn’t quit giving us opportunities when we retire. Retirement is a purely cultural and economic invention, and it is of no concern to God. He will continue to work in and through us, and we will never regret what God does in our lives.
We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. 2 Thessalonians 1:3
Do you, like me, have regrets that God has used to change your attitudes, words, or behavior? Are you, like me, wiser as a result? Can you reimagine your retirement years to focus on growth and minimize regret?
Photo by Ales Maze on Unsplash
Anthony, Mitch, The New Retirementality: Planning Your Life and Living Your Dreams…at Any Age You Want, Fifth Edition, Hoboken, New Jersey: Wiley 2020, p. 7
Judy, your posts always make me think and consider new ideas, and I’m grateful. I don’t want to have regrets either. And I learned a new word from the book title you quoted – retirementality. Brilliant!
I’m posting the nurse blog on social media and printing it out to place on my desk as a stark reminder to consider my choices going forward!